This is a strange thing for me to just be figuring out... but it is. I came home from UMA more myself than I had been in a long time. And then I've slowly felt myself pulling away from that. Because when I am myself... I don't fit in. At least not the way that I think I should. Which doesn't make sense... and is very confusing. I find that I slip into my designated role as a wife, and become who my husband thinks I should be (he's not a bad person, this is my misconceptions) or become who my parents "think" I should be. Or whatever I need to be at my job... and put on this crazy and ridiculous front that is overwhelming and tiring to continue. But I don't know how to stop. I didn't even conciously notice myself doing it this time, but then all of a sudden last night God shook me and I realized I had done it again. I don't know how to stop doing this. And I don't know how to be who God would have me be when I am not where I think God would have me. I'm where I think I should be, and where is most comfortable for Cam & I. So many questions... and no answers just yet...
So if you think of it... pray for me. I'm on a steep learning curve, and I need to finally get to the place where I am who I need to be. Where I am me... no matter the situation.
Em.
Hey Em! I've been reading your blog regularly and you've been on my heart. I think God wants you to know that you are where you are because HE wants you there. Even though that's not Africa right now or even urban missions right now, He has CALLED you to be a wife and a daughter and a receptionist etc. I just want to encourage you to embrace those roles rather than waiting for something to happen. Your passion for Jesus is so encouraging and I love your honesty so much. Praying for you heaps girl!
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