Too Much Thinking.

Guess whose back... back again. Me. I never really stop thinking these days. I think about changes. About life. About what drives who I am. About how to change into who I feel God wants me to be. About how to keep all of this inside of me. I often find myself getting a cagey feeling, like when you've been sick & stuck inside for days on end and NEED to get outside... I feel like that in the middle of the day, in the middle of my normal routine. It's tiring - learning how to handle that and use it in order to implement positive change in my life. 

On another note... I love turkey dinner & music. My day has consisted of much of that. We were at my parents place, and spent the evening eating a DELICIOUS turkey dinner with pumpkin pie to follow. Often I overeat... and this year did not fail that tradition! :) There is always WAY too much good food. And the pumpkin pie was made from scratch, so with real pumpkin, instead of the canned stuff... soooooo amazing!! 

And loving music... it's such an escape for me. I find that when I listen to music I pick up on the words so fast, and if it's a catchy beat, it's even easier! So as I sit here writing, I have our TV on the music channel, listening to the hit songs :) I'm so cool. Oh but I love it. I cannot drive without listening to music. I also just realized something though... I used to LOVE songs. And when I loved them... I would sing and dance and go CRAZY when I heard them. My friend Sara and I used to dance and dance to "Moneymaker" by Ludacris. Oh man... SO fun! It's been a long time since we've done that... then again, it's also been a long time since I have seen that beautiful woman.

I want to travel. I would love to just go away somewhere by myself to process life right now. I have felt so overwhelmed this week by learning how to be me in this environment that I have been in for a long time now, but haven't really felt myself. And so to actually be me, and have it change everything I am and do... boy, it makes living the way I have been very conflicting. but I am not entirely sure how to adjust things. I love my job now... and that's taken quite a while for me to honestly say. But it's a place where people seek me out, because they enjoy me, and enjoy my company. I have friends there now. And I couldn't honestly say that before. I guess we will never really have easy lives. At least, I won't. From the time I was two years old, I struggled with things and was exposed to more than my share of hard things. It has never been, and will never be an easy life for me. But I guess that's okay. :) God knows what we can handle. 


Now I should stop for the day... ttyl.


Emily