The significance of Joy

Yesterday, I had a friend/cousin come up to me and tell me that my joy made his day. This was said to me on a day that was horrible for me. I felt gross, and not happy in any sense of the word. And yet... my joy impacted someone. My question was, what joy? It made me realize how real God is in me, and how He uses me even on the bad days. Cool.

We had care group last night. We're watching a series on Philippians. It's great. I've missed 2 out of four... because I'm lame. But... the one last night struck me. He was talking about the inspiration of our hearts. The pride that lives in us. And asking if we see everyone as having souls... whether it's the waiter in a restaurant, or the garbage man, or a homeless person on the street. Do they have souls when I look at them? Does the crappy driver that cuts me off and makes me upset have a soul to me? That was a challenge!! I think we make ourselves feel better by pretending/believing that we are better than these people, and that they don't matter like we do. We take pride in ourselves. In what we do, in what we have, in what we think we're entitled to. It makes me sick. I am honestly disgusted at the pride in me. God is revealing a lot to me lately, in the midst of these hard struggles. He's teaching me that I am prideful. I think I'm entitled to being a mom... that isn't true. I will be a mom if God blesses me in that. I think I'm entitled to happiness... where in the Bible does it say that? We find JOY in Christ... which is very different than happiness. I don't want to just be happy, I want to be joyful. I want to shine the light of Christ. EVERYWHERE!

I find myself stunned in my seat when I realize the extent of my misconceptions about life. The selfishness of my motivations sometimes. It's a little scary. I want so much to be Christlike, and I want to seek Him in everything... but then I'm here and I'm selfish and rude and frustrated over stupid things, and I don't love people like I should. And I feel so inadequate for God's grace.

One of the most significant things that struck me in the video last night was how the speaker talked about Christ's death. Jesus could've stopped the process at any time. The hands that grabbed him, He made those muscles. The cross that He was nailed to, He formed those trees from nothing. He could've stopped it. But He CHOSE to die a sinners death for me. What an awesome God we serve. Oh man. Floors me.

Life is short. Lets live it up... and serve God with all we are and have. Amen?!

E.

A time to Laugh, and a time to Cry.

Well... I think it's time I wrote something again. I've been thinking about doing this for a few days now, but find that time is escaping me often... that and the fact that I'm not sure what I'm going to write, and whether its okay to write it all down or not. 

Right now... life is tough. Cam and I are refocusing life... and redefining who we are as a couple and how we live together and treat each other. And that's HARD. It's a long and tiring journey. And we have only just begun. Today my sister (who is by far the best sister in the entire world) sent me a verse of encouragement, and I would like to share it... 

"Praise our God, O peoples,
let the sound of his praise be heard;
He has preserved our lives 
and kept our feet from slipping.
For you, O God, tested us;
you refined us like silver.
You brought us into prison
and laid burdens on our backs.
You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and water,
but you brought us to a place of abundance." (Psalm 66:8-12)  

This struck me as very significant to where we are right now, and where I personally am. As it says in the New Testament as well... let us rejoice when we suffer for Jesus' namesake. I want to live that life! I want to be a rejoicer in every circumstance, good or bad. I want to stand out as one of God's chosen ones, because I am leaning wholly on Him to support me in every minute of every day and in every situation. I know that I cannot do this myself. There is no way. Day one: I would fail. I know that. God is so much greater that me, and His ways are perfect, and far beyond what I could even begin to imagine for myself. What a great blessing that I know this God, and that He loves me. 

I also need to do a little shout-out to my friends... the ones who love me even when I'm crazy, and when I'm selfish, and when I'm depressing. I have the most amazing friends in the world. One of whom is my mom... and not a lot of women can say that. God has blessed me with her as my mother, my confidant, and one of my best friends. I tell more to my mom than I do to most of my friends. She knows me inside and out... even if she couldn't tell you what my favorite meal would be. She knows my heart. She knows my hurts and my joys. I love my mom. 

And so, here I am. Learning & growing. I can feel God moving in my life right now. And boy is it phenomenal. Scary... because I know how closely suffering is tied to God's movement in His loved ones. And because I don't know what life will look like on the other side. But maybe that's the most exciting part... trusting in His plan. 

What an awesome God we serve. Tonight, I missed Vespers at CBC. I usually go... because I only get to go to the church service every second week, since I help in the nursery... but tonight class finished super early, and I feel gross, so I decided to come home and do this. And I am so glad. I process best when I write things down. And I see more of what God is doing, and how He's really challenging me when I write it on paper, or I guess, type it on a computer :) 

I pray that as you read this... and as you ponder God's movement in your life, that you would see Him. That you would want more... and that you would not be content with a "normal" life. I'm not... that's why Cam & I are at this redefining place... I am not content with the simple life. May God show you how precious you are to Him, and how He wants to use you for His sole purposes. 

Much love, Emily Michelle Kasper

** I just want to share how much I love my last name. Sometimes I see it written down, and am reminded of the amazing man that I married, and boy does it make me smile. I'm so glad to be Cam's wife. :)

sigh... weekend time :)

It's finally almost the weekend... 9 hours and I'm free for two & a half days. I feel like that's what I count down for all the time... sheesh. :)

Last night I spent time with two incredible friends of mine. We talked, and laughed, and cried together. They challenge me with their questions and views on life, and they inspire me with their huge hearts. I am blessed to know these women. We also ended up talking a lot about death, and fatality. It was intense. And made me once again stop and realize how short life is, and how our joys should be ongoing, and found in everything. "the joy of the Lord is my strength." That is one of my favorite bible verses... and it has been given to me by many people as encouragement over the years. But boy, do I feel like I'm failiing in that right now. I can't help by feel like my life is short, and I have right now to make a difference, even if it's in one person's life. I think I can do that... with God's help.

I'm thinking of maybe starting helping out with a ministry at Central Heights Church. It's a ministry that stirs my heart. There's a single mom's group that meets, and they need child care. God has put women and children in my heart, especially single parents though. And I've seen how He has reaffirmed that over the years for me... like now, I help in the nursery at Northview, and I have two favorite kids, and the one, I knew his dad was a single dad. But then recently I found out that my favorite little girl's mom is a single mom too. And somehow those were the kids that I was drawn to the most. I think that's pretty cool. God works in crazy ways. I'm excited to see how He'll work in me next.

I have the most incredible husband... I just want to share that. He's the most funny and loving person that I know. :) I love coming home every evening and being able to just hug him for a while. Knowing that he's always there when I need him, and when he needs me, I can be there. I am SO blessed with this man. It's also amazing for me to see how I am a very emotionally unstable person, but he listens and loves me through it all. His patience is something that I truely admire. So for anybody that needs a good friend... my husband is the best friend that you would ever find :)

And here I shall sign off... and start my work for this Friday in October. It feels like fall today. It's beautiful. I've never really liked fall, but this year, I am just loving the colors and the crisp days where the sun shines, but there's still a bite in the air.

Blessings on you,

Emily

Who am I?

This is a strange thing for me to just be figuring out... but it is. I came home from UMA more myself than I had been in a long time. And then I've slowly felt myself pulling away from that. Because when I am myself... I don't fit in. At least not the way that I think I should. Which doesn't make sense... and is very confusing. I find that I slip into my designated role as a wife, and become who my husband thinks I should be (he's not a bad person, this is my misconceptions) or become who my parents "think" I should be. Or whatever I need to be at my job... and put on this crazy and ridiculous front that is overwhelming and tiring to continue. But I don't know how to stop. I didn't even conciously notice myself doing it this time, but then all of a sudden last night God shook me and I realized I had done it again. I don't know how to stop doing this. And I don't know how to be who God would have me be when I am not where I think God would have me. I'm where I think I should be, and where is most comfortable for Cam & I. So many questions... and no answers just yet...

So if you think of it... pray for me. I'm on a steep learning curve, and I need to finally get to the place where I am who I need to be. Where I am me... no matter the situation.

Em.

Pomegranates & Grey's Anatomy.

So this is my evening... as most are. I am watching Grey's Anatomy and will be eating a pomegranate the minute I'm done writing this. What an overemotional tv show. I'm on season six... so only one season behind... but oh boy... it is addicting. I don't know why. Maybe it's the honesty and reality of all that can happen in life. The fine balance between life and death. 

Today was a long, long day. I was in meetings most of the day... and when I was at my desk finally, it felt so high stress. But I went to the gym!! That is one of my goals... and I got to spend a bit of time with my friend Dana while working out... which is great!! She is super cool. And seriously.... I need to work out more. I feel very unhealthy and not in shape. And I want to have muscles, and be well-toned... haha... I sound so very vain right there. 


Boring post... I know. I'm distracted and thinking a whole heck of a lot. Today I feel like I want a baby... as I usually do. But especially today. Oh man. I need patience. 


Waiting patiently... 


Em

Slacking.

Today I am lazy. Yet, I think I may be wrong to say that about myself... since I'm writing this right now as I'm taking a break from writing a 8-10 page research essay, which is blowing my mind and knocking my socks off!! It's intense... and takes a LONG time to write. I want to fly through it and be done... but i guess RESEARCH has to happen for it to finish, and the 5 hours that I have working on it so far have generated 2 3/4 pages of writing... GAH! 

I have also slacked off from taking time to write on my blog... mostly, I think it'd because I would use my down time at work to write in it... and this week, I haven't had much down time at work. Haha. It's gotten CRAZY! And I love it. :) 

We had our third and final Thanksgiving dinner for the year yesterday and it was YUMMY!! I love love love spending time with the extended Kasper family. We even took a family picture, which I have to say that I love. I know that it's already changed from the picture we took yesterday, but to be able to get all of the families together and document this stage of our lives was incredible. And to look at it and honestly... there is no conflict in that family. WOW. People have been lost along the way... Uncle John died. I never met him... but he left behind a wife and two amazing sons, who have phenomenal wives and now a grandchild who probably would've loved her grandpa, and another one on the way. But it's still a solid, dedicated family. I love this family that I married into. I am so grateful for them. 

I am also grateful for this man who I like to call my hubby. He's currently leaning on our island in the kitchen and doing his drafting homework and singing "Only the Lonely" in a VERY deep voice. Oh... now it got higher. :) He is my constant amusement... and he brings me a whole whackload of joy! I never knew that marriage could be so good. We have our struggles. But when we sit down and talk about our miscommunications and our failings, we see each other, and understand each other. And then we grow, and love more, and flourish. 

Sigh... Last night I held Elena... lots. Boy, do I ever love that little rascal. I cannot wait to be a mom. I think that it will be the most incredible gift... to have a child to raise, and teach about God's incredible love & grace. I want that responsibility. I want that love. 

Time to get back to work and quit slacking... 

Em

Polite but Uncaring... Am I?

So today, we had a post UMA trip debrief and one of the students made a profound statement when talking about what will stick with her from our weekend in Vancouver. She said that we live in a society that is polite but uncaring. This struck me as absolute truth. Everyone in the room stopped and was silent for a minute, and I think we all felt the truth of those words hit us. How often am I that uncaring person? How often am I just polite, because I don't want to care that day? I hope that as those words have reverberated in my soul, that they would in yours too. Are we those people? If we say that we live in a society that is this way... are we not a part of that very society? Oh, I pray to God that I am not one of those people. I want the world to see me as separate... as a child of the Most High. 

Last night, I had the amazing opportunity to hang out with an incredible little girl... Elena Joy. Boy, do I love this little girl :) She is one of Cam's cousins daughter's. She is also the first grandbaby on that side of the family. And she has her own unique struggles. She was born with Spina Bifida, and that sounded very grim to all of us the day that she made her entrance into this world. She's 4 months old now... and has amazed all of us with her growth! God has worked miracles in this precious baby's life. And I love that I can be a part of that life, and continue to see how God will work. She also has amazing parents, who love her more than she will ever understand. I love to spend time cuddling this little one, especially when she's asleep and so very peaceful... because when she isn't asleep, she is more than able to scream up a storm! :) 

That being said... I am set on writing a paper tonight. This semester, I've been able to take an evening class at CBC, and am loving it. It also happens to be on Tuesday nights and finishes just before Vespers... so that's a HUGE bonus for me!! Back to the topic... I get to write an 8-10 page research paper on a specific learning disability. I have chosen to write on non-verbal learning disorders in children with Spina Bifida. And as strange as it is, I'm excited to learn more about this... because maybe one day that beautiful little girl will struggle with one of more of these things. 

Last thing that I need to share today... I didn't realize how much I've needed personal & professional encouragement lately, until I've been constantly getting it. I've had random students and staff members approach me and thank me for being how I am, and for the joy and light that I daily bring to them. And it moves me... I can make a difference. I think that is the most mind-blowing thing for me. I feel as though I am incapable of changing anything where I am, but I still try to talk to people, and get to know names of students, and know what is going on in their lives. I don't want to just be another face. I also don't want them to feel like one face of many. I want them to know that they matter, and maybe it's a random receptionist knowing their name, and asking what they had for breakfast... haha. I want to be that random person... so that I can put smiles on people's faces. That is what brings me joy. 

I feel like I'm supposed to end this with a prayer.... haha. It feels like I was just preaching or sharing my soul. Whew! Intense stuff for me. :) 

Off to writing I go... 

Emily

Ah life...

Ah... what to say today. I feel all conflicted inside. I feel like I've changed so much, and am learning how to be this new person... this person that people who know me well don't particularly understand. It's confusing.

I would love to just break free right now. I feel a little strangled in the place that I'm at. I know I'm bad at staying in one place and truly submitting to authority. So maybe my challenge is to stay in this place and remain as I am and submit to those around me. I just feel like I've been buried for so long... and I want to fly free!

Last night I went on an adventure... I walked around in the rain with a friend. I loved it. I felt spontaneous, and free, and not cooped up and held down. I want more of that. All the time. I don't know how to do that though. My life is not that life anymore. How do I incorporate the new me into the life that I've created for myself? God only knows. And I trust Him in the midst of it.

Today's was short & sweet... now I'll sign off :)

Emily

A Day Off... Oh the Serenity...

I love picking the different colors for my font... oh what a random little joy :) 

So Cam & I have gotten addicted to House. We can sit for hours on end and just watch it. The show fascinates me. It's not the most addicting show... because every episode is very similar. But it's intriguing to me... someone who is so mad at life and yet saves people everyday. Maybe that's why I enjoy it... he would do anything to save people. Who knows... that was random, but I just thought I'd share one of our guilty pleasures!!

Today I was able to relax... I had a day off. So amazing. I love these opportunities, they are few and far between. I miss being with all my "school" friends though. I think part of it is knowing that a bunch of them are leaving for a trip this next week... sad times :( 

This was not the most inspiring post... but I felt like writing. I had a great Thanksgiving weekend... lots of family time. And lots of husband cuddling time too! What a blessing! I guess I am learning to live more in the present, instead of waiting for something new to happen. I look forward a lot, instead of enjoying this right now time. But this past week I've been very challenged to sit and rest in this moment, and have fun in this moment. :) God has given us every day as a blessing... and so we need to make the most of that! I'm doing my best NOW!

Em

The Age of Entitlement

Perhaps this is wrong of me to write about... but I started thinking about it this morning. Apparently that's what our church service was on... often I miss out, as I help in the nursery. At least I have a husband who listens & summarizes for me after!! :) 

We think we are entitled to everything. But who are we to think that? We sin every single day, we do nothing that's really worthwhile. We live lives of meaningless day-to-day routine. Yet, we still think that we are entitled to the comforts of a lavish home, a good conversation with properly placed grammar, a family, a house with three kids and two dogs running around. But no... we are not entitled to ANY of that. We wouldn't have anything that we do without the incredible grace of our God & Father. He brought us up from the miry clay and made us righteous in His eyes. He has given us blessing after blessing to be thankful for, but instead of us rejoicing in His blessings and praising God for them, we think we had every right for these things to happen to us. 

I know I fail in this. Possibly my biggest passion and heartache is to become a mother. I would love to be one now, but I know that the timing is slightly off at this point. But I know that often I take for granted good health, and the ability to have children. I think everyone should be able to. But who says that I will be able to? That is my greatest fear, that I would be incapable of conceiving a child. But God doesn't just give us passions & desires for no reason. I don't know what God has in store for us... but I do know that He will be faithful. Whether we adopt from somewhere, or have all natural children, or a mixture. Maybe we'll walk a journey of infertility together... God only knows. And all that we can do is trust. 

Today I ate a second turkey dinner in less than 24 hours. How blessed are we?! To sit around to separate tables with two different families in less than a day and celebrate God's faithfulness to us. I can't help but smile on a beautiful day such as this when God is just showering me in reminders of His providence over our lives. What an awesome God we serve. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Phil. 4:6

I leave you with that. Be thankful. 

Em

Too Much Thinking.

Guess whose back... back again. Me. I never really stop thinking these days. I think about changes. About life. About what drives who I am. About how to change into who I feel God wants me to be. About how to keep all of this inside of me. I often find myself getting a cagey feeling, like when you've been sick & stuck inside for days on end and NEED to get outside... I feel like that in the middle of the day, in the middle of my normal routine. It's tiring - learning how to handle that and use it in order to implement positive change in my life. 

On another note... I love turkey dinner & music. My day has consisted of much of that. We were at my parents place, and spent the evening eating a DELICIOUS turkey dinner with pumpkin pie to follow. Often I overeat... and this year did not fail that tradition! :) There is always WAY too much good food. And the pumpkin pie was made from scratch, so with real pumpkin, instead of the canned stuff... soooooo amazing!! 

And loving music... it's such an escape for me. I find that when I listen to music I pick up on the words so fast, and if it's a catchy beat, it's even easier! So as I sit here writing, I have our TV on the music channel, listening to the hit songs :) I'm so cool. Oh but I love it. I cannot drive without listening to music. I also just realized something though... I used to LOVE songs. And when I loved them... I would sing and dance and go CRAZY when I heard them. My friend Sara and I used to dance and dance to "Moneymaker" by Ludacris. Oh man... SO fun! It's been a long time since we've done that... then again, it's also been a long time since I have seen that beautiful woman.

I want to travel. I would love to just go away somewhere by myself to process life right now. I have felt so overwhelmed this week by learning how to be me in this environment that I have been in for a long time now, but haven't really felt myself. And so to actually be me, and have it change everything I am and do... boy, it makes living the way I have been very conflicting. but I am not entirely sure how to adjust things. I love my job now... and that's taken quite a while for me to honestly say. But it's a place where people seek me out, because they enjoy me, and enjoy my company. I have friends there now. And I couldn't honestly say that before. I guess we will never really have easy lives. At least, I won't. From the time I was two years old, I struggled with things and was exposed to more than my share of hard things. It has never been, and will never be an easy life for me. But I guess that's okay. :) God knows what we can handle. 


Now I should stop for the day... ttyl.


Emily

Something to Be Thankful for...

I don't usually get to sit and be quiet and my in-laws place... but here I am. Listening to Mario Kart in the background, as the girls & Sean play. Listening to Cam & his parents talking about school. I am so thankful. 

God has blessed me beyond what I knew possible. Sometimes I reflect on the life that I had before moving back to Canada, how there was little or no trace of God in any of it. And when I first came back, it was hard... and I leaned on God so much. Then i went on YWAM... and learned about God like crazy. And fell in love with Him... and learned passions that have stayed with me. But on coming back from there, and having to deal with the aftermath of my experiences, and my heartbreak... I pushed people away. I pushed God away. I threw my passions out the window. And I met Cam. 

Cam has modeled for me a glimpse of what I believe that God's love is like. He has shown me that I am beautiful. He loved me when I felt unlovable in every possible way. God used my husband to change my life. He helped me stand when I felt too weak to even breathe. He's held my hand through disappointments and through physical pain. I don't know how he loves me like he does... but it amazes me every single day. And he is how I know that God is sovereign and loves me through my scars. I am so blessed. And yet I often take God for granted... i forget the extent of his sacrifice and grace for me. In the world's eyes, I am not important, but to Christ, I am His beloved daughter. 

Going to UMA was a changing point for me. I rediscovered joy. I've struggled with depression for quite some time now, and have been exhausted even after 9 hours of sleep a night. I wake up tired and dragging myself through every day. But I went, and experienced missions again, and the joy returned, and the bounce in my step was back, my energy was renewed. I feel alive... for the first time since coming back from South Africa. And I praise God. But boy, is this a hard journey to travel with my husband. I don't know how to keep this joy, keep this energy, when i fight to make sure he knows that his dreams are as important as mine. My instinct is to shove my dreams aside and go back to how I was. But I know that God has called me to greater things. I can no longer deny His work in my life. I can no longer ignore the call that he has place on my life. I am His daughter. I am chosen by Him for a specific and good work. 

May today remind you to be thankful in everything... and may this challenge you to be real today. I wonder what people will see behind the words that I write. I wonder if they will see me being real, or way too open. Will it scare people away? Or draw them into God's community of followers?

With all my love... 

Emily

Birthday Celebrations...

Ah... here we are, on Cam's birthday. :) He is finally legal in every country... as far as I know anyways. Apparently 21 is a big age. He told me that he doesn't feel much different rhis morning though. Funny how there's so much hype on birthdays and then you get to it, and it's just another ordinary day... still have to go to school, or work, or whatever it is that keeps you busy everyday. Bummer.

So today is the day before Thanksgiving weekend. I always think that this is an ironic weekend. Because aren't we supposed to be thankful everyday... and tell people who we are thankful for how much they mean to us all the time. Why do we take one day of the year and force ourselves to do it... why is it not all the time?! What makes us think that we can use this excuse to not be thankful every other day of the year? I think that's something that I want to work on... telling people how thankful I am for them. And living each day with thanksgiving in my heart. I think when we begin to live lives full of thanks, then people will see it reflected in our everyday going-about. And in our dealings with others. I want that. I want more joy, and thankfulness to permeate my life.

But for now... we enter into the turkey eating thanksgiving... :) Enjoy your weekends!

Em

A Cloudy Day in October

And I'm back...

Last night I had two amazing women over at our apartment, and I got to spend hours sharing life with them. Only in the past few months have I realized the true importance of this in my life. Prayer and time spent sharing our lives. It's amazing! What an amazing blessing they are to me!

As drastic and as incredible as the change was that I experienced this weekend, it's a hard change too. I'm in the process of learning how to apply this to my daily life, and how to grow in leaps and bounds and not feel like I'm doing it alone. I have the most phenomenal husband, and every day am amazed at the grace and patience that he has with me. I'm a lot to deal with sometimes....

My prayer for today is for patience, and direction. This morning in chapel, a few people from an incredible organization called "Invisible Children" came and spoke to us. It blew me away, and pulled my heart once again to Africa. I see the pain, and then the joy in the eyes of these broken children, and want to be a part of that healing, that refining. God is doing a mighty work everywhere on this earth, yet somehow my heart remains rooted in the soil of Africa. I struggle with the patience to wait on God's perfect timing. I want to quit everything, and jump on a plane and just hug the first person I see when I set foot on African ground. I want to teach women how to care for and love their children. I want to teach them that it's okay to give them up for adoption if they cannot take care of them, and that they don't have to kill themselves by trying to abort their precious children. I want to be one of the first people to pray over these babies born into our broken world. I want to be God instrument to give hope.

These are my dreams. They seem very far away most of the time. They seem like they are unreachable goals. And so I learn patience in the waiting.

Emily

Oh to be wise....

What a strange day it has been. I should be working right now, but my mind is racing a million miles a minute. Oh how to stop the thoughts?

A good friend of mine stopped by to see me today, and I was struck by how much a conversation can alter the mood of a person. How when you open your heart to a friend, there is relief, or perhaps even regret that you spoke the words that you did.

I live a comfortable life. I don't like it. I want to be stretched and challenged every single day. I want to serve God through serving people daily. And I work at a job that technically I do that, but it feels as though I am in it for all the wrong reasons, for security, for acceptance in the realm of North American society, where it would be "unwise" to be in full-time ministry that involves not getting paid for it. Confusing, isn't it? Maybe I've just started taking this job for granted, and maybe I've stopped seeing the ways that God can use me here. If so, I need that back. I want to be an instrument of growth.

I made new friends this week. And I've already been blown away by how God is using them every single day to encourage me and strengthen me. Even if it's a friendly wave across the cafeteria, or a long conversation at the Reception window... every single one of these people has changed my life. God has used them to build me up and give me more hope to become the person that I need to be.

One of these particular friends put across a challenge to me today... would I go on UMA again? And boy, that's a question that I've been struggling with. I don't want to idolize the one experience that I had, or the people that I met on that particular experience. But I also don't want to ruin an opportunity for another great experience by expecting it to be just as great as this one. If I go, I need to change my heart first. I need to have an open mind. I need to lower my expectations, and wait on God. And I want my husband to come. That's the kicker for me!

And so... let this be the end of my posting today. First day... and already two posts. I bet any of you that read this will be tired of it pretty quick!

Much love and blessings,
Emily

The Beginning of Something Exciting

My name is Emily. I've never done this before.

I've been challenged to step out and be real. This is the beginning. This last weekend I went to the Downtown Eastside in Vancouver as a leader of a team of 8 students from CBC. It rocked my world. God took me, and shook me and called me back to His heart. 

For years I have struggled with depression and feeling absolutely worthless, and God took those things and threw them as far as the east is from the west. He reminded me that I am His beloved, and He has called me to His side to honor His name. We saw so many heartbreaking things, and talked to so many heartbroken people. And I realized that I am not so different from these people, I am one choice away from being right beside them on the streets. But God has redeemed the ashes of my life, and has begun to lay passions and desires on my heart - to serve Him, to love Him, to seek Him all the days of my life. 

I walked away after three days of being with these 9 people continuously and was renewed and energized and excited about life for the first time in over two years. All I can say is "Thank You, Jesus"

I have been saved by grace. I want this to be a signpost for the journey that God brings me on. A reminder and conviction of what He has called me to. For His glory and praise. 

with love,

Emily