I am Tired.

It's a little discouraging to read the last post that I wrote and realize how short my emotional span is right now. I find that daily my moods change. It's frustrating. And it's all because of trying to wean myself off of a stupid pill. Oh anti-depressants... how I hate you. But how I love them as well. 

It's a hard balance for me. I know I need them, as I am biologically inclined to depression. It's not really a situational thing for me... although that can affect it. But man, oh man, it's ridiculous how much one pill can affect everything. I don't want to be on them because we're starting to think about kids... and I don't want to mess our babies up! And I also really don't want to find out I'm pregnant one day and have to abruptly stop taking them. That would probably be 100 times worse than this slow descent. But it makes me tired. I talked about how much I love what I do at the pregnancy center in my last post... and yet here I am today, not going in because I am exhausted and worn out. 

It's so tempting to isolate myself.

..... I'm so very tired of waiting for kids. I want a child with every breath I take. I think about it all the time. I long for the feeling of a growing stomach every day. But I'm trying to learn to trust. My greatest fear is that I won't be able to get pregnant... that I will never experience labour & welcoming a child into the world that is partly Cam and partly me. Oh I want that so desperately. Last night I cried for about an hour... just because I'm so scared. I hate it. I wish that somehow I would be able to magically snap my fingers and just TRUST God. He knows the plans that He has for us. He knows our babies birth dates... whether they are biologically ours, or adopted. He knows everything that happens in my body, and in Cam's. He knows the amount of hairs on the heads of our children. Oh but how I cannot wait to feel the weight of a baby in my arms, knowing that he/she are ours forever. I've dreamed of that for years... and now I just feel so ready. So very ready. 

But it's a waiting game... Waiting for my husband to be ready. 

...Waiting for my body to accept a baby. 

...Waiting... And praying. 

Please pray with me.

A New Season...

Here we are... the beginning of a new season. And how good it is. 

It's been a while since I last posted on this here blog... and I thought perhaps it was time again. The last couple months have been months of rest and renewal. God has been so so good to Cam and I. Life is now very different from what it was in May though. 

Cam owns his own company now... Atomic Framing! And he's been doing amazing at finding work, and we've been so blessed already! Our marriage has grown in leaps and bounds since he finished school... so awesome!

I took June & July off of work here at CBC... so I just came back on August 4th. I only work Mondays & Thursdays here now. And with my Tuesdays & Wednesdays, I am at a Pregnancy Center in the area. I have loved every minute of being there. God has just opened up so many doors for me now that I am walking in what He has called me to. There is still transition happening for us... but it's great! 

I am just amazed by what God has been doing... and have been so challenged lately to pursue Him deeper, both individually and through my marriage with Cam. We are so lucky, and so very blessed. 

And there goes my little update... I hope to begin writing more often about the things that I encounter, and the things that God teaches me... after all, that was the intention of this blog in the first place. Sometimes I get a little stuck on how much or how little I should write though... hmmm... oh well! :) 

I hope that today is a day full of overwhelming blessings! :)