Something to Be Thankful for...

I don't usually get to sit and be quiet and my in-laws place... but here I am. Listening to Mario Kart in the background, as the girls & Sean play. Listening to Cam & his parents talking about school. I am so thankful. 

God has blessed me beyond what I knew possible. Sometimes I reflect on the life that I had before moving back to Canada, how there was little or no trace of God in any of it. And when I first came back, it was hard... and I leaned on God so much. Then i went on YWAM... and learned about God like crazy. And fell in love with Him... and learned passions that have stayed with me. But on coming back from there, and having to deal with the aftermath of my experiences, and my heartbreak... I pushed people away. I pushed God away. I threw my passions out the window. And I met Cam. 

Cam has modeled for me a glimpse of what I believe that God's love is like. He has shown me that I am beautiful. He loved me when I felt unlovable in every possible way. God used my husband to change my life. He helped me stand when I felt too weak to even breathe. He's held my hand through disappointments and through physical pain. I don't know how he loves me like he does... but it amazes me every single day. And he is how I know that God is sovereign and loves me through my scars. I am so blessed. And yet I often take God for granted... i forget the extent of his sacrifice and grace for me. In the world's eyes, I am not important, but to Christ, I am His beloved daughter. 

Going to UMA was a changing point for me. I rediscovered joy. I've struggled with depression for quite some time now, and have been exhausted even after 9 hours of sleep a night. I wake up tired and dragging myself through every day. But I went, and experienced missions again, and the joy returned, and the bounce in my step was back, my energy was renewed. I feel alive... for the first time since coming back from South Africa. And I praise God. But boy, is this a hard journey to travel with my husband. I don't know how to keep this joy, keep this energy, when i fight to make sure he knows that his dreams are as important as mine. My instinct is to shove my dreams aside and go back to how I was. But I know that God has called me to greater things. I can no longer deny His work in my life. I can no longer ignore the call that he has place on my life. I am His daughter. I am chosen by Him for a specific and good work. 

May today remind you to be thankful in everything... and may this challenge you to be real today. I wonder what people will see behind the words that I write. I wonder if they will see me being real, or way too open. Will it scare people away? Or draw them into God's community of followers?

With all my love... 

Emily